"Life is too important to be taken seriously."

-Oscar Wilde

Sunday, March 30, 2008

5 Little known facts about the Ger-Man

  • When he feels poorly, or even as though he might just be coming down with something, he likes to wear a winter scarf to bed.

  • He doesn't really like coffee. When he feels compelled to drink it in social situations he fills his cup mostly with milk and adds copious amounts of sugar to disguise the taste.

  • He likes beer mixed with coke. In Deutschland this is not considered the crime it would be in Oz, and is referred to as a "Krefelder". (Except in Krefeld where it is called an "Aldtschuss".)

  • He is an only child. If there was one single thing I could change about him this would be it. (If you know his mother - you'll know what I'm talking about.)

  • He is really paranoid about his receding hairline. It is fun to tease him about this. He is also paranoid that I will blog about him. (As if I would? ...)

Always always always -

remember to ensure the lid of a hot water bottle is screwed on tightly before taking it to bed.

Especially important if occasionally sharing a bed with a not completely 'night-dry' toddler. This can save one from sheet-changing/mattress -turning activities that can be disruptive to a good night's sleep.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Coat Tales

Things didn't improve with the Caspi-Man yesterday. He has a virus and an ear infection and has been feeling downright miserable. The doctor prescribed an apothecy of potions and chicken soup. He always prescribes chicken soup. Did you know it was possible to make chicken soup from scratch while balancing 15 kilos of snuggly, miserable, toddler on one hip? Until yesterday neither did I.

The Ger-Man decided that one of us should still go to the Kindergarten's Easter function , make a show, and deliver the ANZACs. And as he was also feeling poorly (yep, it's an infirmary here at the moment) he decided it should be me. It was actually very pleasant (it's that sort of kindergarten) but after an hour, I made my excuses to leave. (Actually I didn't make excuses - I was perfectly honest and told the truth- I had the oppotunity to go SHOPPING. FOR ME. ALONE. SANS TODDLER. No-one begrudged me. I left with blessings.)

But it was not for "fun" shopping I left. Oh no. I had a mission.

You see, I need a new coat.

This is not something new. I have needed a new coat for ages. Infact, my quest for a new coat has now spanned five years and three continents. (Yes, really).

In my quest I have tried on coats in the best department stores of London, Paris, Berlin, Copenhagen, New York, San Fransisco, Sydney, and Wellington. (Yes, really.)

(And yes, I do know how pretentiously-wanky that sounds.)

I have tried on coats in many towns and cities inbetween.

I have tried on more coats than I care to remember. I have tried on more coats than I can ever hope to remember. (The Ger-Man will attest to this. He has helped me try on more coats than he'd ever anticipated in his wildest dreams. And I'm quite sure that coats don't feature in his wildest dreams. Scarves maybe, but not coats.)

This quest has become epic.

In the desperation of my search I have even tried on coats that cost as much as a full year's rent. (Luckily none of these coats were quite right - but given the length and breadth of the quest I suspect the Ger-Man would have happily shelled out that much to bring the quest to an end.)

Once, in Max-Mara, 2 years ago, I almost found it. On special even. The perfect coat. But it was in chocolate brown rather than black. (The Ger-Man asked at least seven times - were they really really really sure they didn't have it in black? - but alas they were.) One cannot really wear grey pants with a brown coat. Well maybe one can, but I can't.

The problem is I had/have the perfect coat. It was a spontaneous purchase in late winter of '97, from a Table Eight outlet store in Stones Corner, Brisbane. It's pure merino wool and was on sale for about $au 125. It was classic, slightly edgy, stylish, and warm. I loved this coat.

Sadly, after serving me well and keeping me warm through many adventures, over many years, this coat is now well beyond it's prime. Its sleek black sheen is now grey and mottley, its large velvet covered buttons are worn and frayed, it has been dry-cleaned to the point of smelling like a chemistry lab, and it has stretched till its elbows now look like elephant knees.


Who knew it would prove so hard to find a replacement? I am thinking of updating my CV and putting "finding the perfect coat" under hobbies and interests.

No other coat I have tried looks as good or even fits properly. Because I couldn't go cold, last year I purchased a coat that on the surface appeared almost ok. But it is cheap, and shoddy, I'm forever trying to put my hands, loose change and tissues in its fake pockets, and now the wool is balling under the arms and along the rump. I've already shaved it twice. It will not last much longer.

And yesterday's snatched shopping hour uncovered no golden coat- grail. The quest will have to continue... it is good to have hobbies right?

Friday, March 28, 2008

Strange but true...

Our home is the only one I know of (with occupants with a median age under 60) that does not have a microwave.

And no desire whatsoever to get one.

A Kitchen-Aide mix-master? Yes. A micro-wave? No.

Australian buscuits

This morning I am making ANZAC biscuits to take to a belated Easter function this afternoon at the Caspi-Man's kindergarten. Or maybe not, as the Caspi-Man is not in the best of health today. But regardless, the buscuits are being made. They are in the oven as I type this. (The Caspi-Man is propped up on the couch watching "Fireman Sam", hopefully improving.)

Since moving to Germany I have become master of Australian sweet cuisine. Foods I'd have never dreamt of attempting back in Oz are these days made with frightening regularity. Pavlova is now a specialty. Lamingtons have been attempted (but have not become part of my featured repertoire as they are just too fiddly). But ANZAC's are my "piece de resistance". And they are surprisingly attractive to the German palate. (Although my advice is that it is best to not explain the significance of their name to a munching German. It is somewhat of a conversation killer. I often refer to them simply as "Australian" biscuits.) The Ger-Man occasionally requests a batch to take to work when he wants to suck up to his colleagues.

Making "Australian" biscuits in Germany used to be more of a challenge. For starters, brown sugar was not readily available here. In my early Germanic days, (back when when my life enabled it) - brown sugar was procured on work trips to the UK. Now, fortunately, it can be found here in health food shops and organic supermarkets. Golden syrup has been more of a challenge. I cannot count the jars we have bought back from Oz, or how many visiting antipodeans have had to donate 1 kg of their travel allowance on our behalf. (Unlike vegemite, a jar of Golden syrup does not stretch far.) But now, a good friend has discovered a local supplier of this caramelly goodness. (Yahoo! Butterscotch pudding can now also be on the menu.)

Besides the obvious, making "Australian" biscuits has many benefits:


1. The kitchen smells gloriously caramelly.
2. Stirring the dry ingredients is fool-proof for a helpful toddler.
3. Watching the science-experiment-effect- frothing of the baking powder in butter mixture is mesmerising (and not just for a toddler).
4. Rolling the buttery batter is the best-ever treatment for dry hands.

Here is the recipe I most like to use:

Ingredients:
1 cup (90g) rolled oats
1 cup (150g) plain flour
1 cup (200g) firmly packed brown sugar
½ cup (45g) desiccated coconut
125g butter
2 tablespoons golden syrup
1 tablespoon water
½ teaspoon bicarbonate of soda

Method:

Mix oats, sifted flour, coconut and sugar in a large bowl. In a small saucepan melt butter, golden syrup and water over a medium heat, stirring constantly until combined. Remove from heat and stir in baking soda. (Optional: emit suitable sighs of wonderment). Stir into dry ingredients.

Place rounded teaspoons of mixture on lightly greased oven trays (we actually just place them on baking paper on oven trays) approx 5cm apart, bake in moderately slow oven (approx 150 degrees fan-forced) for about 25 minutes or until firm. Cool on trays.

Yummy, lecker!

Thursday, March 27, 2008

The tyranny of distance.

"tamzinite & pyjamamel"

by Tamzinite, 2001



My dear friend Tamzinite has a photographic piece in an exhibition at the CPP in Melbourne tomorrow night. Apparently Jane's legs are featured. And red wine is promised.

I want to go.

And also this morning this message arrived from my beloved sister (3rd from left in team picture):

"Most of you, through no choice of your own, have been made aware of my obsession with the old/new sport of Roller Derby.
I am pleased to announce that I am finally playing in a game (or bout as it is known in derby tongue).
Some of you may or may not want to come and laugh and/or cheer.
Some of you may want to see me get hurt…….
Whatever your motivation, many of you have asked me to let you know when an actual game is happening, so……"


And I want to go to that too... not so much to laugh and see her get hurt (-ok then- maybe just a little bit ...) but really mostly to cheer...

Yep. Today I'm feeling the tyranny of distance.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Vitamin D deficiency

The Germans do not have a single word for 'sleet'. They use the word 'Schneeregen' which translates as 'snow-rain'. And that is what it has been doing all morning. Snow-raining.

Enough already - bring back spring!

There is nothing magical about sleet (unlike snow). It is cold, damp, unattractive and penetrates one's mood. I have been searching for a positive take on the Schneeregen, and the best I'm able to come up with is that it is so cold, that I have to wear a warm hat on leaving the house, so therefore I don't have to bother doing my hair. Not much huh?

One of the things I adore about living in Europe is experiencing properly defined seasons. All four of them. But I now feel as though winter is hogging the stage and it's time for it to finally bugger off and let some warmth through.

brilliant things about Germany no.215

all sinks and bathtubs have an overflow drain.

It is impossible to inadvertently cause a flood.

Monday, March 24, 2008

I know what I want for my birthday!

Perhaps, dear friends and family, you could all chip in and get me a ticket on this?

I honestly didn't go looking for it, just so you know. (I was actually just sussing out train connections for a potential jaunt to the UK, when I stumbled upon it.)

So it now seems I'm no longer content to be mere Eurotrash. Oh no, I now wanna be Intergalactic-trash.

I promise I'll act surprised...

It is never, ever a good idea -

to read a library book in the bath.

Dreaming of a white Easter...

Yesterday, Easter Sunday, dawned with a magnificent blue sky, so the hunt went ahead as planned.

In fact, weather-wise, it was the most glorious day we've had this year. Standing out of the breeze, admiring the trees in blossom, it was even possible to imagine that there was warmth in the sun.


Fun was had, and the Caspi-Man and his posse collected enough chocolate to ensure months of tantrums (eg. "no, I asked if you wanted a boiled -not chocolate- egg for breakfast").

So with spring so well and truly underway - it was a HUGE surprise to wake up today to find SNOW.

Snow drifting down in abundance. Blankets of snow. Snow like we have not seen all winter. A local radio station started playing Christmas Carols - before interrupting them with "Oops! Wrong holiday!". But it certainly felt festive.

The Caspi-Man and the Ger-Man were eager to get out into it. I was eager to fill the hot water bottle and crawl back into bed (but I can't really blame the snow for this - I often feel this way in the morning before my 2nd - sometimes 3rd - cup of coffee).

However, I knew without doubt that the minute they were out there in the cold white stuff - there would be more than just snowmen and snow angels on the agenda. With a certainty felt deep, deep in my bones, I knew, that snowballs would also come into it. And as sure as eggs (chocolate, boiled and all other varieties) - my chief role would be as the TARGET for those snowballs.

Luckily for me, one of The Caspi-Man's posse (and his papa) were also up early and ready for some serious winter action so I was off the hook (but I did send along the camera) ...


By 11.30 am it had stopped snowing. By mid-day the sun had returned. By 2pm this afternoon the snow had all but gone.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

brilliant things about Germany no.214

It is perfectly socially acceptable, when eating, to use an upturned fork like a spoon.

(God help me next time we're in a posh Australian restaurant.)

Friday, March 21, 2008

(good) Friday

The 3 of us have spent the entire day in our pajamas.

This was not planned - it just developed that way.

When the Caspi-Man dragged me out of bed at 7am demanding breakfast (why does he ONLY do this on weekends and public holidays? When he has to be up for kindergarten we have to physically drag him out of bed as he clutches his pillow screaming "Noooooooo ...Nooooo! WANT MORE SLEEPY!!!!" – I am really worried what he’s gonna be like as a teenager) -it was truly dark.


Mid-winter dark...

Ominously dark...

Armageddon dark..

And then the heavens opened and it hailed.

This pattern repeated 3 times over the following hours ( the Caspi-Man took great delight in collecting little balls of ice off the window sill to fire at me and the Ger-Man).

We made breakfast-proper (French toast), rang Uncle G (aka The Godfather) in Sydney for his birthday, and vaguely discussed options for the day. And then went back to bed. The Caspi-Man brought some lego.

There didn’t seem much point getting dressed…


Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Easter Eggspectations

As Easter approaches the Ger-Man is dead keen to organize an Easter Egg Hunt in our local Hoff Garten for the Caspi-Man and 4 or 5 of his closest friends. (Have I mentioned before that the Caspi-Man has a posse?)

For all parents, I guess, there is a strong desire to re-create for our offspring the "best" memories from our own childhood. But as I'd never in my formative years experienced an actual "Easter egg hunt" (and have always harboured an unfounded prejudice that the concept is a bit of a contrived construct based on American television) I'd been ignoring his suggestion.


With all the parental indulgence that goes on these days, sometimes I feel that instead of creating wonderful, magical childhoods we're really just providing fodder for future therapy sessions. Whose needs are really being met here? (Mental note to self: tomorrow the Caspi-Man and I must get around to finishing those sock puppets!) Perhaps we are in danger of not heeding the warning in the Phillip Larkin poem (you know the one that sorta goes:


"they f*#% you up your parents,
they don't mean to, but they do,
they pass on all their own neurosis,
and throw in some extra just for you..."
etc etc.)

Naja, back to the hunt.

The Caspi-Man & I ended up (unexpectedly) in Venlo (Netherlands) this afternoon. A spontaneous invitation from a friend who needed to stock up on cheap coffee, cheese and fuel. It is one of the customs peculiar to this region that many local Germans like to pop across the border to save on their weekly shop.

(As an aside - every time I "pop" over the border I am set to pondering - how exactly did it come to be, over hundreds of years, thousands even, that two distinctly different cultures emerged, and remained? With different architecture, different language, and different attributes when there is absolutely no geographical reason for it? There are no rivers or mountain ranges to separate the people. One minute you are in Germany, and a scant 2 kilometres later you're in Holland. Why has there never been a merging at the boundary?)


Venlo also, I discovered today, has (compared to Dusseldorf) very cheap Easter eggs... So, good wife that I am, I stocked up and I'll indulge the Ger-Man this wish.

The Hunt will commence 10.30am Sunday. (Weather pending).


The Ger-Man.
Laying his own egg.

Oh dear, it's finally happening...

...I'm becoming Germanized!
.
Yesterday I was sorting through our breadbasket - disposing of any that may have developed a slight blue tinge. (I simply adore German bread. And I'm discerning - my father's a baker.)

(Nb. - The absolute best bakery in Düsseldorf is Hinkels, just off Karlsplatz and the Blumenmarkt. People travel from miles around to buy bread there, and the queue on Saturdays is unbelievable, but it is more than worth the wait.)
.
The Ger-Man wandered into the kitchen just as I was finishing my bread-cleansing task.

"What are you doing?" he cried, and there was actual horror on his face.

"Um... ," cautious here as the Ger-Man hates waste and has been known to munch on stale bread before.

(There was an ugly bread related incident between the Ger-Man and my sister while on a joint family holiday a few years back. She was preparing breakfast for us all and had rejected an open half-full packet of days-old-white-sliced in favour of a fresh loaf. She's fussy about her bread -after all -her father's a baker too and she doesn't do stale bread -except maybe for stuffings. Things then got nasty and the resulting tea towel fight left visible welts...)

"Um," Bugger! Caught in the act - no use denying it. "Getting rid of the stale bread..."

"The Caspi-Man and I were saving that to feed the ducks!" he said, peering despairingly into the bin where the bread had disappeared underneath soggy remnants of our lunch.

"But you can't do that - THE SIGNS!" I said.

We live 50 metres from what I consider to be the most beautiful park in Germany. (I tell the Caspi-Man it's our back-yard, but because we're nice, we let other people use it.) It's huge, full of gorgeous trees, landscaped promenades, lakes, ponds and waterways, ornate bridges and lots of old and contemporary sculptures (even a Henry Moore!). Home to many varieties of bird life, including ducks, it is dotted with these signs:


Translated it reads: "Duck Bread is Duck Dead". And the Ger-man is knowingly violating the rules!!

And then it struck me .... I've become corrupted by the power of "Ordnung" and the German phenomenon of obeying the rules... I'll never fully fit into Australian life again!

Monday, March 17, 2008

Where's question number 28?

This was one of those emails you sometimes get that purports to let your nearest & dearest find out useless trivia about you (that they never really wanted to know) - and is actually just a self-indulgent time waster!

(Yes, I succumbed. Of course I did.)
....................................................................................
1. What time did you get up this morning?

8.30am. Dragged out of bed by the Caspi-Man to help set up his train set (the Ger-Man working 3 days/week in Hamburg- am single parenting again). Before coffee even. God knows what time he got up (but the knives and alcohol are stored up high).

2. Diamonds or pearls?

Gee... was it eighties or early 90's? Prince or weird unpronounceable? But seriously - both! But one must be careful if combining.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?

Not counting in-flight movies (only partially viewed due to 3 year old factor) - "I am Legend". Dubbed into German. (Our wonderful neighbour looked after the Caspi-Man while the Ger-Man & I had a rare night out.) Verdict? Don't bother. Not even on DVD. For once the Ger-Man and I were in agreement on our assessment - which was a bonding moment. (We mostly disagree on movies. And books. And TV shows.)

4. What is your favourite TV show?

Sesame Strasse. (German Sesame Street. One of the few shows I can watch in full without concentrating tooooo hard!)

5. What do you usually have for breakfast?

Still mostly french. Coffee essential. Goose eggs are currently in season - but that's typically a weekend thing supplied on a Friday by my Schwierig-Mutter (the mother-in-law).

6. Favourite cuisine?

Savoury, creamy, animal fat is always good (Germany is a godsend in that regard!) Latest addiction - goose rillettes (can't believe it has taken so long to discover - paste made of goose- slow cooked in its own fat - eaten spread on toast! mmmmmmm....lecker!)

7. What are your middle names?

names? How many people in this day and age have middle name-s plural? That's just indulgent! (Like filling out this questionnaire really).

8. What food do you dislike most?

Margarine. Even if baked. I'm sorry, BUT YOU CAN TASTE THE DIFFERENCE! Life's too short.

9. What is your favourite CD at the moment?

What just 1? Most listened to though is the Tasmanian Symphony Orchestra's Lullaby collection. (Thank-you Dr Kaly - best present ever!)

10. What kind of car do you drive?

Don't have one. But do occasionally hire Germany's finest when needed. (Or Germany's most practical when the Ger-Man books it.)

11. Favourite sandwich?

Vegemite. with lots of butter. Freaks the locals...

12. What characteristic do you despise?

Arrogance.

13. Favourite item of clothing?

Pajamas. (Some things are timeless.) My growing wardrobe of animal ears rate a mention. Very good for keeping hair out of eyes.

14. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would it be?

Probably not Australia. Or Germany.

15. What colour is your bathroom?

White. (Hint - never have white tiles on a bathroom floor. Or a kitchen floor either for that matter.)

16. Favourite brand of clothing?

No favourites. Lots I'd actually avoid. But, am a bit of an Oroton accessory girl. But put this down to quality, value for money (and the added perk that it is an unknown brand here in Europe).

17. Where would you retire?

Don't ever plan on "retiring" as I hope to always be doing something I enjoy. Somewhere where we have lots of friends? haha. Maybe near the grandkids???

19. Favourite sport to watch?

Only world championships. Prefer to watch when Oz have a chance.

25. Are you a morning person or a night person?

Night. Sometimes. Figure I'm not alone (and that is why morning children's TV is sooo entertaining & well scheduled.)

26. What's your shoes size?

91/2. or 40. Big. I have a firm grip on the earth.

27. Pets?

Guess it would be wrong to name the Ger-Man & Caspi-Man in this category (although they're sometimes cute to have around and I do feed them occasionally.)

29. What did you want to be when you grew up?

Grown up. Am still waiting...

30. How are you today?

fine thanks and you? What sort of questions is this? This is long enough as it is!

31. What is your favourite lolly/sweet/chocolate?

Lindt. Or Swiss. Or Belgium. So bountiful here too...

32. What is your favourite flower?

Arim/ Calla Lilly for looks. Freesias for scent.

33. What is a date on the calendar you are looking forward to?

Easter Sunday (23rd March). The Easter Bunny'll be visiting the Caspi-Man. This is the first year that he is fully compos mentis of such things (he was so excited when the Weihnachtsmann/Santa visited HIS house at Christmas). The Ger-Man is also planning an Easter-egg hunt for some of the Caspi-Man's posse. Ahh - the magic of childhood.

35. Piercings?

Ears. Just once in each side. Suspect I am more conservative than my teenage years would credit.

36. Place of birth?

Hawkes Bay, NZ. Good wine also comes from there.

37. Love someone/something so much it made you cry?

Often.

38. Favourite Restaurant?

Too hard. Haven't been to enough.

39. Favourite Alcoholic Drink?

Any! Depends on with whom and where. The cooking brandy @ 8am while watching Sesame Strasse! (Only kidding .... haven't even got to the coffee even by then!)

40. Favourite ice cream?

Pistachio. Can't pronounce it well in German. At all. NOT for want of trying. In summer am forced to point to maintain credibility.

41. What colour is your bedroom?

White walls, dark wood, royal blue and purple. Caspi-man's has a bit of leaning towards lime green. Am not sure how that happened but it really has!

42. Before this one, from whom did you get your last e-mail?
Does spam count? Someone offering pills to make my member larger... (?can't really be sure because I didn't read it.)

43. What do you do most often when you are bored?

Ha! If only! I have a toddler. (And a weakness for filling out silly questionnaires like this)

44. Bedtime?

Much earlier than I'd like. See previous question.

45. Ford or Holden?

Evidence these questions originated in Oz. Purely fabricated answer - but Holden. Based on a sentimental Australian ideal that doesn't (and probably never did) exist. (And also in memoriam of Ebe, my trusty Barina in OZ).

46. What are you listening to right now?

Upstairs neighbour coming home and walking on laminate with shoes on... and faint German soap- opera from TV (but like elsewhere - louder in adds).

47. What is your favourite colour?

Yellow.

48. Which came first the chicken or the egg?

Don't care. Both taste good. Will leave it for cleverer people to figure out.

49. What are you wearing?

ummm......... pajamas. I"M @ HOME!

50. What is the greatest place on earth?

My bed, on a rainy day, with my favourite people and a good book.

51. How would you react to a flat tyre?

I LOVE not having a car! But have had one or two with the kinderwagen (stroller). Makes it heavy to push.

St. Patrick's Day

Today is St.Patrick's day and I (party animal that I've become) celebrated by making the Caspi-Man eat 3 types of green with dinner. Peas, beans AND broccoli. (But he didn't touch the broccoli - actually that's not true- he did - but only to pick it up & move it off his plate onto the table saying -"I like that NICHT!")

I remember reading once that in lieu of foreign affairs policy -Ireland decided to just open a pub in every city in the world - and I suspect there's some truth in that as there are not many larger sized cities I've been to that lack one. (And it's not like I seek them out). We have at least 4 that I know of here in Düsseldorf.


I even recall being served green beer on a long ago St Patrick's day in Nha Trang (during our honeymoon). But I can't swear (or "put my hand in the fire" as the germans like to say) it was a fair dinkum Irish pub because they were also serving jugfuls of a very potent, green, vodka-based concoction- therefore my memories of the evening are rather hazy. Although as far as I am aware there have been no political tensions between Ireland and Vietnam during the last 20 years so perhaps it was - and therein lies proof of an effective diplomatic strategy.... (?)

Saturday, March 15, 2008

The Saturday morning ritual

The Caspi-Man and the Ger-Man have embarked on their Saturday morning provisions run.

This is somewhat of a ritual... with me staying at home and (usually) chatting on the phone to distant lands. I am always still in my pajamas when they return.

The Ger-Man and I have differing approaches to shopping for food. He likes to make a list. I like to be open to opportunity and surprise. He treats shopping as a chore to be swiftly and expidiently dispensed with. I see it as a leisure activity to be strolled through and savoured. Hence the development of the Saturday morning ritual.

We make a list of the boring essentials and bulkier items (bottled water, potatoes, milk-we go through a fair bit of milk - bulk purchase of alcoholic beverages) for the Saturday ritual and I, during the week, wander through the markets and specialist stores for spontaneous purchased delicasies.

In his early days, the Caspi-Man would be strapped to the Ger-Man's chest during the entire shop-fest ... these days the Caspi-Man is fully mobile and uses his opposing thumbs to self-select items for the trolley. Some items slip past the Ger-Man's watchful eye, or provoke such tantrums that the Ger-man relents, and this occassionally makes for interesting unpacking when they return home.

We currently have about 6 different muslies on the shelf. I feel sure today will bring number 7.

Friday, March 14, 2008

31 things about living in Deutschland

This list (inspired by the questions of curious friends & family in Oz) was compiled during my first months of living in Germany. 5 years later, it is still (mostly) relevant:

1. Winter is cold. Really cold. Really really cold.

2. But snow is magical.

3. Dogs are allowed everywhere – on trains, trams and buses, in shops and even in restaurants.

4. No one ever drinks tap water. EVER. Bottled sparkling water only.

5. There is no such thing as a defined soup spoon in German cutlery sets.

6. There is, however, ever other type of spoon ever dreamt of on the market, desert spoons, yogurt spoons, boiled egg spoons etc etc..

7. Corn flour is a weird yellowey colour.

8. People do the majority of their own in-home electrical work without qualms. From fitting lights to rewiring… very strange …. very dangerous….

9. There is no such thing as a flat or apartment number. Mail (or anything else)
is delivered according to the name on the letter box.

10. Every woman over the age of about 16 is addressed as "Frau", regardless of her marital status.

11. There is no such thing as good service in retail shops. One actually feels very
grateful that one is allowed to buy things.

12. There are literally hundreds of different types of bacon available.

13. But none of these types of bacon is even remotely like the rashers we can buy at Coles.

14. Germans usually buy three different types of laundry detergent: one designed for
whites,one for blacks, and one for coloured stuff.

15. This actually means that you do get around to separating before washing.

16. Wine is usually consumed in moderation. Sometimes too moderately.

17. Bier on the other hand is consumed abundantly…. Sometimes too abundantly!

18. It is indeed wise to 'never mention the war' – the Germans seldom do. Although they do broadcast re-runs of "Hogan's Heros" – dubbed into German - on free to air TV. (I have not the words! )

19. Airports are enormously huge, and you are guaranteed to have to walk kilometres from the check in desk to the departure gate.

20. I am yet to come across or hear about a German Airport that has moving walk platforms.

21. Germans are very very nice to all animals. In all public parks with ponds and creeks the authorities build multiple little ramps so the ducks can climb in and out of the water easily.

22. German ducks rarely use these ramps.

23. German people love to follow the rules. This means they ALWAYS wait for the little green man before crossing the road, regardless of the time of day or the lack of traffic.

24. Not only do you have to take your own bags to the supermarket (or pay a fortune for plastic ones) but you also have to insert a (refundable) coin to use a shopping trolley. There are no trolley-boys in Germany.

25. Tissues mostly come in travel size packs. It is extremely difficult to find actual boxes of tissues.

26. However, you can buy tissues that don't fluff if they go through the wash. These are very cool.

27. Castor sugar is sold as normal sugar. What we call normal sugar is sold as "preserving sugar" for jams. This is done to utterly confuse foreigners who wish to bake.

28. You can only buy contact lense solution at an optomitrists.

29. Specialist dentist tool thingies (including the little angled mirror thing) however, can be bought virtually anywhere.

30. Germans are dead keen on their recycling and it is possible to have upwards of 6 bins in the kitchen (we have 3).

31. German "unfurnished" flats come empty. Like really empty. No light fittings (not even light globes) and no kitchen. Not even a sink …

Pondering Friday Lunch

Today is Friday which means that my Schwiegermutter (mother-in-law) is coming to lunch.
Childish, I know, but I still take great glee in referring to her as my "Schwierig-mutter" (difficult mother). I am sure that she puts this down to my atrocious pronunciation but given our tempestuous history I feel it is fitting.

So once again I am pondering what to make that will satisfy all our dietary needs AND palates.

This never used to be a problem as we all have a fondness for GREAT foods such as potatoes roasted in goose fat, crispy-skinned chicken, fish dripping in buttery sauces, and the like. But the Schwierig-mutter has recently be diagnosed with liver problems & high cholesterol (to compliment her high blood pressure). It would appear she has become a frois-grais goose.

Historically she has eschewed all raw vegetables, salads, and noticeably "healthy" foods. She loves rich cheeses, sauces based on animal fats, and would only consider greens if sauteed to mush in fatty speck.

Once, early on, I presented her with a selection of sushi that she refused point blank to even to try. She just shook her head and said "Was der Bauer nicht kennt, isst er nicht" (what the farmer doesn't know he will not eat).

So great has been her disdain for vegetables that I have, for the last few years, taken to disguising them in dishes (eg. spinach hidden in a lasagna, broccoli pureed into invisibility in a creamy soup etc) as one might for a picky-toddler.

But now, under doctor's orders, healthy eating is on the open agenda and no longer needs to be furtive. The challenge is to make it palatable for taste-buds that have over the last 60+ years become accustomed to fat-soaked mush.

But at least my Schwierig mother will most likely be bringing us all the chocolates her generous neighbours often bestow on her (& goose eggs for Sunday breakfast). Lecker!

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Try-lingual?

On Wednesday afternoons (well, the last 9 anyway) I have been teaching English to the children at The Caspi-Man's kindergarten.

I am impressed (and more than a tad jealous) at their ability to remember things from week to week. (It takes months for a new German word to reliably enter my vocabulary - and usually I loose two english words to make room for it.)

They already know all the words to Old Macdonald's Farm, Wheels on the Bus, and the "hello song" swiped from Playschool. They can count to twenty, recite the "English ABC", and name body parts (most notably: head, shoulders, knees and toes).

The Caspi-Man declines to participate in this weekly "Mama Sprache" session, but, has been long aware that there is a "Mama Sprache" (English) and a "Papa Sprache" (Deutsch). All has been going well, he speaks mostly english at home, and (I am told) mostly german at Kindergarten.

Recently came this exchange while the two of us were on the way home :

CM- I am müde!
Me- Tired. In Mama sprache - you're tired. "Müde" is Papa Sprache.
CM- And what am I in "Caspi-Sprache"?
Me- ("Caspi-Sprache"?? Huh?)
I don't know - what are you in Caspi-Sprache?
CM- (pause... deep thought...head scratching) SLEEPY!!!!!

But I somehow suspect, that for a long time to come, "Caspi Sprache" will be Denglish...


Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Weather Warning

This morning the sun has been shining...

I have been feeling guilty for sitting at the computer (playing my rounds on "Scrabulous" -I curse both facebook and my erudite friends) while missing out on potentially happiness-inducing vitamin D ... but I have just heard on the radio that we are in for some "extreme weather". Autobahns have already been closed and festivals cancelled.

Perhaps there will be more sensational news footage of planes attempting to land sideways?

Germany never ceases to surprise me with its capacity for almost tropical weather patterns. Hailing from Queensland I am familiar with surprise down-pours and cyclonic winds. I just had not expected it from a land-locked, continental geography.

I certainly hope it holds off till I've collected The Caspi-Man from kindergarten.
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