You know you're Australian if:
- You know the meaning of 'girt'.
- You believe that stubbies can either be worn or drunk.
- You think it is normal to have a Prime Minister called Kevin.
- You've made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden.
- When you hear that an American 'roots for his team' you wonder how often and with whom.
- You understand that the phrase 'a group of women wearing black thongs' refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds.
- You pronounce Melbourne as 'Mel-bin'.
- You pronounce Penrith as 'Pen-riff'.
- You believe the 'L' in the word ' Australia ' is optional.
- You can translate: 'Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas'.
- You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep.
- You call your best friend 'a total bastard' but someone you really, truly despise is just 'a bit of a bastard'.
- You think 'Woolloomooloo' is a perfectly reasonable name for a place.
- You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that's twice as big as its $2 coin.
- You understand that 'Wagga Wagga' can be abbreviated to 'Wagga' but 'Woy Woy' can't be called 'Woy'.
- You believe that cooked-down axlegrease makes a good breakfast spread.
- You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis.
- You know, whatever the tourist books say, that no one says 'cobber'.
- You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the Angels' song 'Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again'.
- You believe, as an article of faith, that the confectionery known as the Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year.
- You still don't get why the 'Labor' in 'Australian Labor Party' is not spelt with a 'U'.
- You wear ugh boots outside the house.
- You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you like them.
- Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in every Asian language.
- You understand that 'excuse me' can sound rude, while 'scuse me' is always polite.
- You know what it's like to swallow a fly, on occasions via your nose.
- You understand that 'you' has a plural and that it's 'youse'.
- You know it's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle.
- Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules of beach cricket.
- You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call 'Anzac cookies'.
- You still think of Kylie as 'that girl off Neighbours'.
- When returning home from overseas, you expect to be brutally strip-searched by Customs - just in case you're trying to sneak in fruit.
- You believe the phrase 'smart casual' refers to a pair of black tracky-daks, suitably laundered.
- You understand that all train timetables are works of fiction.
- When working at a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer.
- You get choked up with emotion by the first verse of the national anthem and then have trouble remembering the second.
- You find yourself ignorant of nearly all the facts deemed essential in the government's new test for migrants.
- You will immediately forward this list to other Australians, here and overseas, realising that only they will understand!
