A Conflicting Rant

The Ger-Man is away with work for a few days doing some professional development training.

Conflict resolution is the topic, I believe.

He said before he left that he plans to (primarily) use any newly obtained skills on the Caspi-Man and me. (I think we provide more conflict for him than his most difficult of clients. Well, it must be said, we probably just try harder.)

If I’m honest, I am a bit worried that he may come home and start with “reflective questioning” strategies, or maybe even use “reframing statements”- or - saying the good ol' "I" rather than"You" phrases such as: “I feel when you ..........” instead of the: “Stop being such a ............!” that have been used so effectively to date during our -ah – ‘matrimonial discussions’. Lord forbid –he may even be doing role plays.

Many years of working in Human Services has left me highly cynical about such practices (especially when used in one’s personal life).*

And one of the reasons (albeit not the main one) I fell in love with the Ger-Man in the first place was his ignorance of such manipulative strategies. He usually just blurts out exactly what he thinks. Upfront and without adornment. Which, it must be admitted, has more than once led to some conflict.

(Like the time early in our courting days when I stupidly -and rather vainly- asked him how come he’d never told me I was beautiful. Well, in the past others had... “Because you’re not.” was his answer – then sensing from my reaction that this wasn’t the most diplomatic of statements – he followed up with “Oh, I guess you’re attractive enough–but you have to admit - you're no Claudia Shiffer”…)

But still, there is an honesty that can be, and is often, lost when one becomes skilled in resolution-focused/ conflict minimizing communication techniques. While this may be beneficial in the workplace it does overlook the simple fact that there is a certain healthy, cathartic element in having an illogical rant-fest with your nearest and dearest - without any thought for resolution. (Just ask the Caspi-Man.)

So, being the caring people we are, and in support of The Ger-Man's professional development, the Caspi-Man and I consider it our family duty to see how far we can test the Ger-Man’s new skills when he returns home… :)


*Disclaimer for my dear colleagues and friends working in the Human Service/Psychological/Mental Health areas: Yes, Yes, I do fully understand the importance of sensitive communication strategies – and refer here only to when such strategies are being used in an overtly- somewhat manipulative- manner. I have the same deep seated cynicism when it comes to overt “political correctness” when used as an end in itself rather than a means of clear yet respectful communication. In both cases the baby far too often gets thrown out with the bathwater with the focus being on the “how” rather than the “what ”of what’s being said...