Never ever trust a translation program!

Last Friday, we had few people over for dinner, including Monika- our beloved neighbour - who doesn’t speak much English.

I had taken the opportunity to finally try out a recipe (one that my sister had been raving about for ages) for apricots poached in Orange-blossom water, filled with crème fraiche and sprinkled with ground pistachios.

They were, indeed, delicious. Melt-in-your-mouth scrumptious. Monika – kindred spirit that she is – was also very taken by them, and requested the recipe. (And not in the vague way that some polite people do to indicate they enjoyed it - but in the way of someone who really, really loved it and has an upcoming occasion for which to make it.)

So, tonight, I finally got round to translating it for her. Or, rather, as I can sometimes be resourceful (?) - oh ok, then - a bit lazy - typing it out as simply as possible (while trying to ensure correct grammar) and entering it into a web-based translation program.

This process was followed by a very, very brief “proof-read” - during which I corrected a few really obvious mistakes. (For some reason the program I often use translates saucepan as Kasserolle- which is a casserole dish –and not - the same thing as a saucepan at all. And this recipe really requires a saucepan rather than a casserole dish.)

I then spent a few (longer) minutes playing with the font and formatting – and plonked the laptop in front of the Ger-Man, who was (and as I type this – still is) engrossed in the Eurovision Grand Prix on TV, with a quick “Can you please, bitte, bitte, cast a quick eye over this for me?”, and then dashed off to the loo.

Next thing, I hear the Ger-Man laughing hysterically.

So I quickly dashed back- so as not to miss whatever country's musical/theatrical embarrassment on TV had prompted such mirth.

But when I got there it wasn't Eurovision he was laughing at.

"If this is how the Apricots are made - I'm not eating them again," spluttered the Ger-Man.

It wasn't really the "Aufschlag"( 'to land', or 'to serve' but only in tennis) that was the problem, nor was it the "Nieselregen" ('misty-rain' ie. 'drizzle' over) - no- the real problem was the 'bring to the boil' - "holen zum Blutgeschwür". ( As in: 'bring to the red painful swelling with a hard pus-filled core caused by infection of the skin').

Heed my warning: Never ever trust a translation program!

P.S.
At this time, the results from Eurovision aren’t in – but I can share with you that if I had 12 points - they’d be going to Bosnia & Herz????ia and that the Ger-Man would be allocating his to Finland.